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NileShai's avatar
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Literature Text

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My very first request, sorry for the delay in upload, i hope you like it :3
Mature
© 2014 - 2024 NileShai
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TheSaneInInsanity's avatar
Oohhh My ! I have to say, I really really love this one! you have really caught the personalities of Max and Micha! And I always loves that you have given the background of the mage too and a little bit insight of Max, that he don't want to be send back to the dark places.!
Gosh I really love it :3

Well I can't wait to give you a critique so here you go.

For a short story I have to say, you have really done it well, you have manage to pick the perfect details to give the story some background and really good atmosphere, especially I liked the background story of the mom because even though that it is not an important detail, then it is still an interesting detail :) So the point is that you have manage to keep the story short enough without giving the reader any feeling that there is missing something.
I'm not 100% perfect to English grammar but I only think that I saw one or two errors but nothing which had any impact at all. :) So great job.
I have a hard time pointing anything out besides that it was a quite fitting story to the characters and it was quite exciting :)
The only thing which maybe could have been done a little better was the ending bloody part, there seems to be missing some details, I have a hard time to get the 100% picture of it all in my head, but the ending was not bad, it was a 9 out of 10. :)

I'm looking forward to if you do other stories with Max and Micha :3

And also I would gladly recommend you that if you want to do another story with these two or one of them :) Then you can look at my twistedcuteness group because it is filled with Micha and Max and some few other characters who are filled with twisted cuteness :3 Just for inspiration